As a result of a recent cholesterol test that revealed my numbers were way too high, my newest morning routine now includes two miles on the treadmill and 30 laps in the pool. Don’t ask me how long this will last because I have no freakin idea but for now, I’m on a streak of five semi-consecutive days. I already try to make all kinds of excuses to NOT do it, but since they are lame excuses, I do it anyway. I love the pool………NOW. I didn’t love the pool a week ago because since we built our beautiful oasis a couple of years ago, I’ve been thinking of it as a place to entertain others…..something that would make my makeup run and cause double duty on hair fixing. Once a day is enough because even though I’m over 50, I prefer long hair and I don’t care who thinks that’s wrong! Now, just for the record, I use to get in the pool (after much goading, prodding, and begging) but because of the hair and makeup excuse, I’d paddle around a little and then out I’d go. That’s what I called swimming but now I know THAT , by gosh, was not swimming. As of 6 days ago, I NOW get my hair, my face….everything wet and it’s heaven. I even get water in my ears, for gosh sakes, so I’ve made great strides. Who knew getting water in all your crevices and orifices without a bar of soap being involved, could be so liberating? O.k. so maybe everyone but me, but now I know too, and it (breaking out into song)……feels so good, nana nana nana nah….like I knew that it should..nana nana nana nah…… Ahem….o.k. so yesterday I was swimming laps and I’d swam almost 30 (it’s a short pool) so I decide to get the goggles the grandkids use, and look around underwater and “expore” (like there’s so much to see??), and because I haven’t yet mastered the art of opening my eyes underwater and keeping water out of my nose, the goggles were a must. Jimminy Cripes!! Give me a break, I’m new to this going underwater and getting it in my ears, eyes, and nose, so give me a break already! The goggles I use are the kind that also cover your nose and fit very tightly on your face……AFTER you’ve pulled wads of hair out just trying to get them on, which I’ve now learned I should do while wet instead of trying to put them on while dry.
Back to the story……I’m swimming around probably looking really cool with my head underwater but my butt floating on top, because for some reason it won’t stay under………and suddenly I see it! YIKES!! HOLY CRAP!!! IT’S A LOBSTER!! AM I ON THE LASTEST EPISODE OF DEADLIEST CATCH? PUNK’D? IS THIS A DREAM??? I finally get my wits about me and realize it can’t be a lobster so it has to be a crawfish. A freakin crawfish (or crawdad as we call them in the South) has found it’s way into my pool and scared the wits out of me. So my next mission was to get out of the pool and yell at Hunka Burnin Love to get off the tractor and save me, but this giant of a crawdad is racing me to the steps at the side of the pool! What to do? I swim harder and he swims harder and I’m yelling at him the entire time but I’m pretty certain he can’t hear me way down there or else he’s just not paying me any mind, but it’s making me feel better to do it……so I just keep yelling at him. STOP!! GO AWAY!! DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO BEAT ME TO THOSE STEPS AND TRY TO BITE MY TOES OFF! I JUST GOT A PEDICURE, FOR GOSH SAKES!!!
I finally make it to the steps and jump out of the pool and grab my cell phone to call hubby since I’d probably look like a crazy(er) woman if I ran across the pasture with all my jiggles, lumps, and bumps flapping in the wind while waving frantically to get HBL’s attention and get him off the tractor. I have to call twice before he answers and I tell him I need his help NOW………there’s a deep sea creature in the bottom of the pool. I throw the phone down and run over to the side so I can keep an eye on it and I can’t find it. Good grief, was I seeing things?? It’s a dark bottom pool so it’s not as easy to see things on the bottom as regular light blue bottom pools, so I’m really not a complete idiot. I don’t want to get back in and have my toes eaten off so I grab the goggles and walk down one step and stick my face in so I can find it again. That’s about the time HBL gets there and he’s laughing hysterically…….at me, I think. He takes the leaf net and grabs the creature and pulls him out just like that. No big deal…..there’s always creatures in the pool so what’s all the fuss. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……
I’m hopping around and grabbing my camera to take a picture because I know no one is going to believe me. This thing is evil! It’s looking at me and trying it’s best to chase me……..or maybe it’s just trying to get back into the safety of the water and I’m standing between it and the pool edge……but either way, I’m scared. O.k. so not really scared but also not really wanting to get too close to this ugly creature who’s only purpose in life is to be boiled and have their tails eaten….which I do love, by the way. Hmmm….that’s a thought…….
Who are YOU lookin at??
Despite it rearing up and threatening me with it’s mighty claws…..well, er uh….little mighty claws……..
HBL gently scooped it back out of the pool since it did manage to race past me and jump back in, and he put it back into the lake from where it came so all is well and no animals were injured (or eaten) in the making of this blog. But I make no promises about the next time.
)))peace(((
