Is It Just Me?

It’s become pure torture to shop for clothes these days and I’m wondering, is it just me? 

I walk in a store and I move around the clothes racks like a butterfly, landing just long enough to look, touch, and then on to the next brightly colored rounder that holds such promise at first glance.  I gravitate to bright colors and always have and should you ever come to visit me, you will notice the same in my home.  You won’t find beige in my house, thank you very much! 

I circle the entire store and some areas I visit twice, gathering things that might work on me, then find a dressing room and prepare to camp there a good while to try on all my finds.  I try to pick a room away from other people because all kinds of groans, grunts, and obscene mumblings come from my dressing cubicle when I’m trying on clothes.  Ugh, nothing looks right.  It either looks too old, or too young, or it shows too much of my arms, or too much leg, or the worst is when you realize the zipper in the darn pant is a whopping 3 inches long.  That’s never a good sign and I’ve been blessed with way too much booty to wear anything with a 3 inch zipper.  Plumbers crack wouldn’t come close to describing what I’d have.  I would be showing my entire behind since they make most of those low waisted pants for “no butt” people, which I’m definitely not.  And besides…….”crack kills”, dude.

I don’t belong in the Junior section anymore, although I love the fashions but they don’t love my body so therefore I can only lust after the sleeveless and short fun fashions as I’m walking past to the next section.  Which, by the way, is what?  I go to Women’s and I see some really cute things but they are all too big.   No, I’m not bragging because I’m close to being in that section but just not quite there yet, which takes me to the Misses section.  Misses?  Misses ends up being a conglomerate of styles that don’t fit in the Junior or Women’scategory, kind of a catch all of styles for us Midlifers and beyond.  That age group “beyond” is the scary part to me. 

I’ll be absorbed in a diligent hunt for something to wear and finally look up to see I’m the only person in that particular section under 80 years of age.  I quickly run to the Junior section and grab a pair of thong underwear and start waving them so everyone knows I didn’t belong in that other  section and must have lost my way for a second there.  Yeah right, who am I fooling?  I still call those rubber shoes with the strap between the toes, “thongs”.  Much to the dismay of my children and grandchildren, I might add.  I still say thongs are meant to be worn on your feet, for gosh sakes!

I had to throw in this cartoon.  It’s my favorite (this week) and really speaks for our generation and how we think about the term “thong”. 

Anyway, ladies (and gentlemen) I’m looking for tops to wear to Colorado and Wyoming during the last part of this month (July) and I wantneed at least 3/4 sleeves, and it must cover my butt and not be tight, plus not too thin.  What’s so hard about that order?   Would you please share with me where you shop for clothes in your middlesence years?  

Somebody? Anybody? Please?  I’m desperate here.