Duct Tape, Cleavage, and Barbeque

On July 4th, HBL and I celebrated at the lake home of friends and it’s something we’ve done for the past four or five years.  We never know who will be invited from year to year and while I don’t only go for the fireworks or the food, there’s always the opportunity for a major fashion show of sorts that draws me like a moth to a flame. 

Usually the fashion parade is compliments of the current girlfriend of the son of our Hosts.   He’s a photographer that seems to mostly deal with models that mostly lean toward the nude or possibly porn adult industry.  Every year it’s been a different “new girlfriend” and every year it’s a different show.

For instance, the year before this last July 4th celebration, the current girl of his dreams, the love of his life at that moment changed outfits no less than 5 times during the 3 hours we were there.  We saw her in a string bikini, a very revealing halter top with cut off daisy duke shorts that revealed full cheeks and I’m not referring to the ones on her face, tight thin knit pants showing off the thong strategically placed to stick out of the waist, some weird sexy pajama looking outfit that I suspect were actually really pj’s that weren’t getting much actual sleeping wear, and a beach towel with apparently nothing else underneath because she must have run out of outfits. 

Most of the people who attend this party range from ages of 50’s to 80’s which makes for more entertainment just watching the faces of the spectators as the “girlfriend” of the moment prances around pretending to be oblivious to all the stares. 

This year was different.  Seems the 40 something bachelor photographer has found “the one” and chose this July celebration to propose and introduce her to his parent’s friends.  She was a beautiful young lady in her mid 20’s but she was a sort of disappointment to me because she wore the same outfit all evening……..extremely short shorts and a lovely top with cleavage spilling out all over the place which didn’t do a thing for me but  HBL enjoyed it immensely.  We learned she was a “model” and that meant she had to leave the next day because she had a photo shoot in another state.  A nude photo shoot. 

It only took a few minutes to realize my disappointment in this years fashion show would be short lived.  I started noticing for the first time what everyone else was wearing and thought I’d share some of the more…uh ahem….fashionable wear of the middle-aged in attendance.  Like this, for example:

 

Mr. R had duct taped the leg openings of his shorts because his son (the photographer) was complaining about the boys  peeking out of the wide leg openings and waving to everyone sitting across from him.   This seemed a little odd to me considering what I’d witnessed peeking bursting out and in your face, from several of the previous loves of his life we’d come to know from earlier parties.  But I guess it’s different when the private parts on display are attached to your own father. 

Then there was Mr. G who is the husband of Mrs. Condescending who you met in a previous post.  Yes, Mr. G is a man contrary to the red purse that might or might not have been his, and in this photo he was bragging how he’d only paid $6.99 for his “crocs” at a national chain drug store.  Boy howdy, I’d say he got himself a bargain.  The socks were an added bonus because the little nubs on the foot bed of the shoe “felt like sand”.  Won’t vacation be fun and fashionable with this man?

<This was the one time I didn’t take my camera so these pictures were taken with my iPhone> 

Upon contemplation of the evening’s festivities, I realized I didn’t miss the fashion show after all.  I was merely looking in the wrong direction.  

HAPPY TRAILS, Y’ALL