This Is The Life I’ve Chosen?

If you are one of my two regular readers, you know I procrastinated on starting a mandatory CE course for real estate and then I promptly forgot about finishing it until a few days ago and it’s due in the hands of the powers that be in Austin on the 31st.  Yes, of this month.  You are probably wondering what the big deal is about just sitting around clicking the green button to go to the next page, but I assure you, I only wish it were that simple.  If you can take your eyes off the picture below, look at the page count just under the photo of the nice young men, uh, butting heads.  2120 pages.  So far.  I was not at the end by any means.    And those guys don’t look hostile, they look like they are rather enjoying a uh moment.

                                                                                       

The geniuses (and I use that term with much sarcasm) who wrote this online course, not only make you click the green button to get to the next page, they add in another little blue button on about every second page where you have to click “for more information” before the other button will turn green.  *wonders how many times one can say “button” in a single post*  Not only that, but some robot man/woman voice reads the text to you word. by. word. and if I read along I’m finished and have had time to run clean a toilet before the bot gets to the end of the page so the button will turn green.  I don’t want to be disrespectful and I’m all for boosting the self-esteem of a slow kid but I think they should have gone some other place besides the Remedial Reading room to find such person to be the voice of their course.  *uh hmm.  Clears throat because she knows that was a tacky thing to say and saying tacky things causes phlegm*

Why am I bitching harping about this so much?  Because I need to clean house.  I need to water plants.  I need to catch up on my pleasure reading.  I need to cook a decent meal.  I need to work.  Hell, I need to wash my hair and brush my teeth but I haven’t had time to do anything else for the last 2 days but this. Today HBL asked me if I was going to get out of my pajamas.  I’ve been in them for two days.  I even took 30 minutes off yesterday to help him move cattle across from the other side of the lake and I jammed my big hat on my head and went in my pajamas.  I looked cute.  I know the cows thought so because they moo’d at me.

My daughter, asshole SIL and two of my grandchildren are coming to visit this weekend and I’m down to the wire here and need to clean their bathroom so this is what I’m reduced to doing.   I’m walking around with a toilet brush in one hand and the laptop in the other.   I set the laptop down and click that damn green button and robot man reads to me while I scrub a toilet.  Then I click whatever I have to click to get the forking button to turn green and then I spray scrubbing bubbles in the bathtub and take my frustrations out on the bathtub ring. 

Welcome to my world

I’m running the vacuum, moping, dusting and doing laundry all the while holding this stupid laptop and listening to the even stupider (is that a real word?) stuff this bot is spewing that is supposedly making me better at my job.  So far I’ve learned how to judge you based on your hair style, read your body language to know you are lying to me if you lean forward during our conversation, and identify and dissect parts of speech in a sentence so I can point out all your grammatical errors while ignoring mine and acting like I meant to say that grammatically incorrect.  

All this has taught me is, two years from now when my CE is due again, don’t wait until the last minute,  *note to self:  Haven’t you been saying that for the past 27 years?* don’t lean forward when talking to someone or everything coming out of the mouth will be a lie, and one can vacuum the floor, clean the toilets, dust, and mop with a laptop in the other hand. 

Really, seriously, did I actually choose this life?   I want a do over.  Give me another chance.  Pleeeeeese?