Hello…HELLO. Anyone Still Here?

While I’ve been sunbathing on the beach in Hawaii, I’ve really missed you all and thought about sending postcards but my cabana boy was too busy fanning me with a huge palm leaf and making sure my glass was always full so he didn’t have time to run to the post office.  It was the thought that counts, right?   What?   You don’t believe me?  What part don’t you believe?   Oh….all of it?   hmmmmm.  

Truthfully, I just wasn’t in a good place and I didn’t feel like whining or bitching or crying to the world but I’m happy to report, I’m on the mend so life is back to normal again.  I did stop by here a time or two and read the comments and they brought tears to my eyes.  I can’t begin to express how much your comments and emails have meant to me and I wish I could give each of you a great big hug.  Come to see me sometime and I’ll do just that.  

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to how much of what’s gone on these last 10 days that I wanted to talk about and I think, for your sake,  I’ll give you the short version.  My 27 year old daughter had Lyme’s disease for two years before it was diagnosed and the Lyme’s poison wrecks major organs and had two years to do a considerable amount of damage.  While we’re lucky it didn’t affect her heart, it did destroy part of her bladder and has lead to a host of other debilitating health problems. 

She has an Interstim device implanted in her right hip that is controlled by a remote control type device.  She is the bionic woman.   Also, she’s had her gallbladder removed, a complete hysterectomy, her joints swell and get so inflamed that she can barely walk, she has migraine headaches, and fibromyalgia.   These are just the big things and there are too many little things to mention, but you get a general idea of her state of health.  She went from being a young vibrant wife and mother of two to spending a lot of her days bedridden and in constant pain. 

This is another reason I travel so often between Oklahoma and Texas.  I try to help with her children as much as possible.  The reason I talk about Sassy and Stubborn so much more than my other two granddaughters is because I have these two constantly when I’m in Oklahoma and lots of time in Texas when school isn’t in session.  Yes, my daughter has a husband but while he has his moments where he’s very helpful and sympathetic, he also has many periods where he’s a real jackass and resentful of her illness and limitations.  It’s my job to kick his ass when he needs it and believe me, he needs it a lot.   grrrrrrrrrrrr…….

Now this week my daughter hasn’t been able to void (which is a nicer name for pee) and therefore she’s had to catheterize herself all week while they are waiting on bacteria cultures to come back so they know what antibiotic will work.  She’s taken so many this past year that there are very few that still work.  Living in rural Western Oklahoma isn’t a bad place for medical care, unless you happen to need a doctor during fall break.  Three of her doctors took last week off because their kids were out of school for fall break. 

I’ve watched this child of mine endure some of the most painful procedures with little complaint and she does it because she’s willing to try anything for relief and it’s become her life.  Catheterizing oneself over and over is a very painful experience and with the fibromyalgia she feels like she’s got a bad case of the flu, every single day.  I couldn’t be in Oklahoma this week because of pressing obligations in Texas so I felt sad and guilty and angry all at the same time. 

Now that was only part of what brought me to my knees.  In the last ten days, my oldest son obtained an attorney, filed for divorce, and is now officially single.  I was sad because I knew he was hurting and I felt helpless because I couldn’t do anything to help.   After 11 years of trying to make things work, it finally came to the point where he had no other choice.  There isn’t a single member of our large family who is sad about losing the daughter-in-law from hell that member of the family and all of his friends have shouted Hallelujah!!  There were no children, thank goodness, but he’s wasted 11 miserable years on her.   I’ll leave it at that.  

To round it all out, HBL volunteered our home as the gathering place for an expected 70-80 of his former high school graduates on October 25th.  We’ve been working on our “to do” list for over two months and we were down to the wire and killing ourselves trying to get things done, plus I was dealing with an unreasonable real estate buyer who thinks it’s his right to steal a brand new home for pennies on the dollar and then ask the sellers to fix every tiny nit picky thing in the house.  He wanted the front door replaced because it was in such bad shape and when HBL and I went to see what the problem was, we had to hunt to find a couple of tiny dings.  I want to strangle the media for putting buyers in this mindset and making me deal with them.  Grrrrrrr…… (again)  The straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak, was when I got on my Wii Fit and it told me I’d gained 117 pounds since my last session.  Ugh.  Stupid machine about gave me heart failure until I realized it thought I was Sassy. 

On top of all those things there was another personal issue that I won’t go in to and the sum total of all these parts equaled more than I could handle. Now that I’ve written it all down, it’s obvious it could have been much worse so I suppose I just took it all a little harder than I should have.  Now it’s Saturday night and I’ve driven most of the day and picked up Sassy and Stubborn the second I rolled into town and now they are sound asleep.  HBL is partying in Texas in the name of charity, #2 daughter still can’t pee on her own, #1 son is free and single but having to work his ass off day and night to pay all his ex-wife’s debts, #2 son is dreaming of his next hunting weekend, #1 daughter is at home being the perfect wife and mother and I’m here telling you about my life so you’ll feel so much better about yours.  Really, it’s not that bad and I know there are always many others who have it much worse so I’m thankful for my small problems.  I’m also thankful for all my many bloggersville friends and I promise to catch up on my reading and commenting. 

By the way, this really was the short version.  Now aren’t you glad you didn’t get the full blown blow by blow?  Yep, that’s what I thought. 

HAPPY TRAILS, Y’ALL