But They Said It Works!

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I’m a sucker.  There I’ve said it so is that step 1 of my 12 step program of not believing everything I see or hear?

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This might sound a little strange but I realize I’m pretty lucky to be a redhead because we aren’t normally very hairy people.  In fact, I stupidly use to shave my pits in the hopes that some hair would actually grow.  That was back in my later teens.  I was a very late bloomer, ya know, and everyone else had to shave and I didn’t so I felt like a freak.

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The hair on my legs is still fairly soft, light, and pretty sparse but it’s still gotta be shaved because I don’t care to look like a granola munching save the earth former hippie. *no offense if you are a granola munching save the earth former hippie, it’s just not my favorite look*  I hate shaving.  Hate it.   I swear that all I have to do is shave and then get a tiny chill and the hair pops right out again.  Seriously, it really does. The good news is, I can use the same razor blade at least 6 months and HBL doesn’t scream if I accidentally forget my razor and have to borrow his a half a dozen times in a row.

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I’m always looking for a sure fire remedy to stop the endless cycle of shaving but so far, nothing has worked.  My sister in law told me that rubbing Preparation H on her legs stopped the growth of hair.  I couldn’t get past the thought of what possessed her to rub Preparation H on her legs in the first place.  Was she trying to shrink them?

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As Crone and Bear It stated in her post with the really gross picture Nair was the stinkiest easiest but now that I know it makes hair grow back worse, I won’t do that again.  I even tried the cream where you “shave” with the little toy like razor with no blade.  I’m too impatient and apparently I didn’t wait long enough because  the hair just laid down for a second and then popped right up again. I’ve gone the waxing route a couple of very painful times and swore if I really wanted to punish myself, I’d rather shove toothpicks under my fingernails which would probably be a less traumatic method of inflicting the same kind of pain.

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So this weekend was market week at Dallas Market Center and I was itching to go but since I had two of the grands along with Sullen Teenager, it was impossible.  My nephew called and said he was coming to stay with us and go to market for the hospital which he’s employed and we were thrilled to have him but I was also jealous that he got to go and I didn’t.  I was especially jealous when he came back from the first day at market and we started spreading out all his great loot.  I thought he’d go back to market on Saturday but he said he was done and just wanted to hang with us until Sunday.  Then he did the most amazing thing.  He offered to drive all three kids back to Oklahoma for me.  I wanted to throw my arms around his neck and kiss him all over like I use to when he was a baby but at nearly 40 years of age, I didn’t think he’d like that nearly as much as he did back then.

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Not only would I not have to hear 3 kids fight while being cooped up in a car together for 5 hours, I wouldn’t have to listen to 3 loud movies that more than likely I’d heard 10 times already, nor would I be required to make 7 bathroom stops making our trip that much longer.  To say I was thrilled would do my elation no justice.   I love that boy!

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Sunday came and my nephew and HBL loaded up his SUV with all his market purchases, luggage for 4, and a large metal rooster plant holder that the grands insisted on buying for their parents.  They all lined up, hugged, kissed, piled in the car, waved goodbye and drove away.  I cried.  But only for a second because I realized we could now go to market.  Yea!

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Sorry this is getting long so I’ll get to the point.  I’m a sucker for the likes of Billy Mays (may he RIP) because I believe that pillow that “is a bargain at two for $99.00″ has to be the greatest pillow in the world and it will cure all my aches and pains and make me sleep like a baby.  I also believe that ShamWow will suck up an entire 2 liter bottle of soda out of my carpet and there will be no stain.  What person in their right mind can resist buying 1200 thread count sheets for 30 bucks, even if I didn’t realize that the package actually said in very tiny print “as soft as” and then in very huge print “1200 THREAD COUNT EGYPTIAN COTTON SHEETS”.  That’s another post in itself.  The vibrating exercise machine is the one I had the hardest time walking away from.  It was tough but someone had to do it.

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The one thing I couldn’t resist besides the sheets was the little innocent looking pad that you “gently rotate in circles over any unwanted hair on your body and it disappears like magic”.  The reason this one got me is because the salesperson  demonstrated the miraculous hair removal phenomenon on my very own leg.  Albeit a small spot on my leg but I swear that spot was smooth as a baby’s butt.  It was only twenty dollars for the entire system so I gave HBL the look and he forked over a nice crisp twenty and we left with the solution to putting an end to my shaving woes.

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I couldn’t wait to get home and try it out all over my legs and especially on those pesky chin hairs that are a gift from God in exchange for our former monthly visitor *sorry guys*.  (HE’s sure got a warped sense of humor.)  So after my bath which was necessary because you aren’t supposed to have any lotion on your skin when you do the hair removal, I started the wax on wax off circular maneuver, working my way up, down, and all around both legs.   They really felt smooth so I thought since that was so easy, I should try it on my face.  The kit comes with a smaller special pad for face, bikini, and underarm areas and was really easy to use.  I got out the magnifying mirror and the reading glasses and went to town removing hair from all over my face.  I was horrified to realize there was one chin hair that was at least an inch long.  I yelled at HBL for not telling me and he swore that it must have just popped up because he’d never noticed it before.  Grrrr……    I rubbed and scrubbed until everything looked smooth.  My work was done.

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After about 30 minutes I started noticing my face was tingling.  Then it went from tingling to burning and then from burning to down right hellish pain.  I ran to the cabinet to dig out my bikini zone cream that’s supposed to stop the burning caused from waxing and started smearing it all over my face.  I was fanning and might have been saying a few curse words but figured it would all be better in a short time so I took two ibuprofen and went to bed.  HBL was laughing his butt off and telling me 200 grit sandpaper would have been cheaper and probably done the same thing.

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If I could have opened my mouth this wide I would have made this exact face.

I woke up the next morning unable to even touch my face.  What the…….what in the world did I do to myself?  On top of that, the hair was back on my legs and my face hurt like crazy.  I got out the magnifying mirror and the reading glasses to examine my face closely and saw hair there too!  Where did THAT come from?  It wasn’t there last night, or was it?  Apparently it was just laying down playing dead so I’d stop the torture.  My face hurt so bad I could hardly bear to apply makeup.  I couldn’t open my mouth wide enough to scream or I would have……several times.

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Don’t tell HBL.  He thinks I loved the pads because they worked.  I’d hate for him to have yet another reason to shake his head and give me that pitying look he gives me when I’ve done something really stupid.

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God is definitely a MAN with a really bad sense of humor.  *wink*

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HAPPY TRAILS, Y’ALL